“Blessed are the merciful: for they shall obtain mercy.” -Matthew 5:7
As crazy as I will sound to few, I believe that my experience can benefit you. I want to share what helped me to others. This is possible, DON”T GIVE UP YET. Buckle your seatbelts and stay with me for a moment…
Lately I have discovered the power of forgiveness and mercy, it only took me 27 years, let’s see if I can shed some light. In the act of laying down a hurt, whether it was something as a child or a recent wrongdoing from someone you love. You will find a peace like no other and you can finally MOVE ON. I believe that in this you find mercy from the Lord. There is a freeing peaceful feeling that you are blessed with once you have forgiven someone trust me. I know what your thinking right now…”This lady has NO idea!” yes I do believe me. The enemy wants nothing but for you to be stuck in anger, strife and in unforgiveness. I spent almost 26 years of my life in unforgiveness right where Satan wanted me.
So this is how it started…
My parents were divorced at age three, I felt like a Spy who was really not sure of which country I was devoted to and decided to go rogue. I turned to God once I felt like I had no where else to go. After many years, moved out at age 17 and I began growing further away from the Lord. I was not going to church and soon began forgetting to pray. I began to self destruct and forget my child hood instead of forgiving, I was hard-headed as a mule. My life was a spiraling downhill grenade waiting for the pin to fall out. I spent years out on the town drinking and I dated the worst kinds of men, whom ALL they cheated on me. I was right where the devil needed me.
Once ROCK BOTTOM hit, I’m sure you are there or have been, I decided to come back home. In this same time I met a guy, a really amazing guy who showered me with love and gifts, who I thought loved me more than anyone could love me. He went to church with me and I said to myself “Finally, God thank you for something good in my life!” He was the prince I always wanted. I felt like God was leading me back home to reconcile with my family and get back into our home church so I did. Being back at home was good for a while until my step father stepped back in to his old ways and I felt like that 16-year-old girl again, Dying for air. All the resentment I had seemed to resurface and I ran away like I was 17 again, and it started ALL OVER. I moved in with this guy, and spent years together leading up to an engagement. I was head over heels as I thought he was for me. When God called me home, it wasn’t to put myself and this guy first it was to put him first which I failed to do. See the Lord wanted me to come home to forgive and reconcile, instead I put my guy first, we stopped going to church and we grew away from the Lord together. Which led to this….
The day I found out that he was cheating on me, I was hysterical and felt like my heart was frozen and shattered. I called my family whom we became closer through and I was SO ANGRY. I felt like we were destined to be together and that we had a future in God together although we were not living right, I always thought, “Well, we will get there.”. Through prayer and finally throwing my hands up to God saying “Ok Lord, I’m done. I am done with living life my way. I will only put you first in my life. I SURRENDER.” I prayed the most in that week that I have ever prayed.
You see I loved this guy so much as I am sure you do for the man who has wronged you. I still loved him after all of the skeletons were released. It was in this moment that I realized the love that Christ truly has for us. The agape love that was still in my heart for this man. I cried a lot in this moment, but it was joyful tears, in this HEARTBREAK I realized how much God truly loves us in our sins and transgressions. My love for my guy was still so strong that I felt his hurt instead of my own. This feeling of setting aside your own for someone else’s opens a door to God’s love and understanding.
John 3:16 “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.”
This was where I found forgiveness for my for my guy. According to my guy I was leaving for good.
My guy was very heartbroken from what he had done, and he realized that he had made an enormous mistake. See, he is the type of guy to learn all his lessons the hard way. He was grieving and I realized this in my heart. During this week I went to my mother’s and she had told me about a time of prayer she had that morning. She was praying things like “Please Lord help her to move on, help her to find peace.” and in that moment this stern voice had said. “What if it is my will for her to stay?” My mom after hearing this she opened her eyes then started praying “Lord if it is YOUR WILL please mend their hearts and have them turn to you.” She told me of this and how mending our relationship was possible and ONLY with God and if WE keep God first in our lives. I began thinking too myself and praying, Lord if this is your will its going to take a MIRACLE. So that day I went to the house to get a few more things and seeing my guy with a puffy face, still in shame and sadness, I told him what my mother had told me and he said that his mother had told him the same that with God it was possible, ALL things are possible. I asked him if we should go to church together Sunday and he was going to go anyway and wanted me to go.
That Sunday the MIRACLE happened. You see my guy went to church, but has never experienced God’s real presence before. He was staying clear of God because of the shame and conviction he had which hindered our walk before. He was right where Satin wanted him, but since his sin was revealed he was ready to change. We were both listening to the music and sermon that was centered around forgiveness, shame and God’s love. Go God right? We both cried the entire time in that church. See I was so focused on God that Sunday that I didn’t realize what was happening with my guy. He could have left and I wouldn’t have realized it. My guy had been focused on God that day and surrendered his life and prayed for his forgiveness, and for me not to hurt anymore. In the moment of Praise at the end of the service I let it all go and I believe it was the power of our surrenders together and our DESPERATE need to be rescued. It was a MIRACLE but all of the pain, suffering and anger I gave it to God and he took it and replaced it with so much peace. We left that church and for the first time smiling and crying with an abundance of joy. I felt a restoration so great that I was ready to move forward in this new walk with my guy CENTERED in God. On that Sunday my guy went through a transformation. He was not the same man. I don’t know if you have ever seen a sinner give their life to God but its like all the good in them is amplified with the seed of God.
We have been walking with him ever since. Some moments it isn’t a cake walk, Christianity isn’t easy. We are in a spiritual battle everyday. If we are not clothing ourselves with the fruit of the spirit it can open the door for enemy attacks, Satan is the father of all lies and he knows what can cause you pain if you listen to him. It can be tough when thoughts cloud our vision, but this battle will be over in no time. Just remember that if it is confusion, doubt or negative at all it is not of GOD.
John 16:33 says “These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have OVERCOME THE WORLD.”
You have to see people through God’s eyes, as hard as that may be while the anger has been brewing for such a long time. As Joyce Meyers says “Hurt people, Hurt people.” It’s up to us to forgive and love UNCONDITIONALLY, with the strength of the Holy Spirit.
Now, not all of your situations will be the same. I’m sure your thinking, “Well what if my man doesn’t surrender?” “How do I know if it is God’s will for me to stay with him.” If you are married, it is his will for you to work it out. If your relationship is turmoil and your other half has not given his life to Christ yet it is a struggle.” Your patience will be rewarded and prayer is very important. STAY in church, do not stop going because your spouse does not. YOUR FAITHFULNESS will be rewarded just have faith in God for that restoration! I have a friend that is in the same situation as you, we work together in prayer and the word. Godly people are they best kind to help with these situations. I will pray for all who are reading this blog post. This is a new thing I am starting in a need to Worship through ministry. I hope this has helped.
Her Heart on Fire